Let’s talk about love.

No, not the rom-com, butterflies-in-the-stomach version. Not the transactional “you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours” kind.

I’m talking about the love described in 1 Corinthians 13. The biblical word for it is agape a sacrificial, selfless, lay-down-your-life kind of love. It’s the kind of love that compelled Jesus to go to the cross.

Here’s the first hard truth we have to get our heads around: According to the Bible, the opposite of love isn’t hate. It’s selfishness.

Love says, “It’s not about me.”

Selfishness says, “It’s all about me.”

Look at the cross. Jesus remained on that cross because He chose to. He wasn’t a victim; He was a victor. He didn’t just endure every ounce of physical pain. He also bore the full, terrifying weight of spiritual pain by drinking the cup of God’s wrath toward our sin.

And He still stayed. He still chose us. Because love is greater. Love never ends.

The ‘Love Test’ We All Fail

In 1 Corinthians 13:4, we’re given a raw, unfiltered description of what this agape love actually looks like. It’s not a checklist of what you think or feel, but what you do.

Let’s run a quick diagnostic. Be brutally honest with yourself.

 Are you always patient and kind? (Or just when things are going your way?)

 Do you ever envy or boast? (When you’re scrolling Instagram? When a co-worker gets a promotion?)

 Are you ever arrogant or rude? (To your wife? To your kids? To the customer service rep?)

 Do you keep a record of wrongs or hold grudges? (You know, that thing she said three weeks ago that you’re still holding onto?)

You get the picture.

If you’re honest with your answers, you wouldn’t just fail the love test you’d go down in flames. I know I do.

Let’s call it what it is: Men, we have a problem and the problem is us.

We are naturally selfish. Our default setting is “me first.” And here’s the part where we usually try to fix it: “Okay, I’ll just try harder. I’ll willpower my way into being more patient. I’ll just decide to be less selfish.”

It will never work. You can’t willpower your way into living out agape love.

You Can’t Give What You Don’t Have

You can’t produce this love on your own. But you can connect to the Source.

This isn’t just a nice religious idea. This is the core of reality. As 1 John 4:8 tells us, “God is love.”

He doesn’t just have love; He is love. He exists in a perfect, selfless, life-giving love relationship with Himself Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and He is without sin.

Think about this: if you go to church every week, memorize Bible verses, and sing every lyric to every worship song but you don’t know love then you don’t know God.

Out of the overflow of His love for Himself, God created mankind. That’s why humans are the only part of creation with the ability to love: we alone were made in His image and likeness. We were built to run on agape.

We can love because He first loved us.

This is the Gospel. This is the good news. If you have placed your trust in Jesus, He has taken your entire record of wrongs every selfish act, every moment of pride, every grudge and He has nailed it to the cross.

If you want to love others as Christ loved, you must first stop and experience His love for yourself. You have to let the truth that He chose you in your selfish, arrogant, grudge-holding state sink from your head to your heart. You can’t give away a love you haven’t first received.

What Do I Do Now?

Stop trying to be a “good guy.” Stop trying to muscle your way into being a loving man. You’ll fail, and you’ll just become a frustrated, angry, or hypocritical version of yourself.

Instead, do this. Make it your daily practice.

Every day, kneel before King Jesus. Admit your failure. Admit your selfishness. And ask Him to show you how to lay down your life your agenda, your pride, your “rights” for those you are called to love.

You don’t have this love in you. But He does. And He’s the source that never runs dry. Draw from Him, and let His love overflow through you.